"It never hurts to see the good in another being. They often act the better because of it." -Nelson Mandela

We are grasping at the low hanging fruit on the tree of life, when we lazily assume traits about someone based on first impressions. We cite cute sayings like, "you can't judge a book by its cover," when describing our beat-up, yet reliable old car. But later we might be conducting a job interview with a "different" looking fellow, and this thought pops in our heads: "you never get a second chance to make a first impression."

Well which is it? I know, it's very subjective. We've all had the experience of helping a friend move their possessions. We say, "(and I believe this was a twist on a George Carlin joke) man, you sure got a lot of shit," at which our buddy replies, "hey dude, take it easy with my stuff!"

Are we so conditioned to seeing things skin deep? Or can we open our imagination and wonder what it really might be like to walk in the other person's shoes?

When Albert Einstein was asked about how he came up with the Theory of Relativity, he humbly replied, "you would have discovered it too- if that's all you ever thought about." He has also said there was a large discrepancy between people's ideas of his accomplishments and what he actually achieved. We would imagine this man to have the largest ego of them all, but it's not so. Einstein even wore the same type of clothes every day (black suit, white shirt, black tie) so as not to consume his brain's capacity worrying about outfits to wear each morning.

How dedicated are we to treating each other better? Are these words in a blog merely some feelgood rah-rah stuff to stroke our egos? Are we telling ourselves that we're goodhearted folks, but then quickly return to the lazy habits (judgments, opinions, negative attitudes) that create further separation from our fellows?

I don't know about you, but I've tried cheer-leading my ego and the results were similar to applying a band-aid to a chest wound. I've listened in earnest to many self-help tapes, signed my life away with the gym contracts and even considered extreme measures like surgery for my belly fat. But still something deeper inside of me was always left unfulfilled.

Searching for the meaning of life? Seeking true happiness? Is nirvana a place to which I can physically travel? Try entering NIRVANA as your destination in Google Maps and you'll be directed to a 4 star restaurant in Beverly Hills! Hmmm, maybe good food is nirvana? That would seem very Zen-like... or not.

(Warning: sentimental anecdotal evidence ahead... or not. But then again does it really matter?)

A suicide note found a few miles from the Golden Gate Bridge read, "if just one person waves or smiles, maybe I won't jump."

I sure hope someone did wave or smile, what about you? Then again, does it really matter? Commercial advertisements tell me "I gotta go get mine," or "to have it my way." But I do realize corporations aren't people, don't I? Then why am I drawn like a moth to a flame when showered with these impersonalized promises of paradise? And it can all be mine for only 64 easy payments of $19.95 (while supplies last of course).

"I had opinions that didn't matter. I had a brain that felt like pancake batter." -The White Stripes (from the song "The Hardest Button to Button")

Re-programming our thought patterns can create awareness, and we can avoid these faulty cause and effect relationships when it comes to connecting with people:

-That guy has a grumpy look on his face, oh I bet he's such a grump!

Or, perhaps we base the character of someone by an isolated statement they made:

-Oh she lied to me once in the past; therefore, she's a liar!

Are we brave enough to choose compassion and loving kindness today? Am I too scared to look silly and treat others nicely without wanting anything in return? Entering similar situations, but pausing to see people anew each and every time, adds a freshness to life. Try looking into a stranger's eyes without fear or judgment. It's not so easy, is it? Or maybe it's quite possibly the easiest thing we never had to learn. Look back at the picture above. Can you find any fear or judgment in those eyes?

She's probably just an example of another cute baby barely worthy of our adult attention (goo-goo, ga-ga). Or maybe she serves a more universal role as a living, breathing, signpost pointing us back in the direction of our own true nature (oh thank you master baby).

“You have everything you need for complete peace and total happiness right now.” -Wayne Dyer

So much metta so little blog,
Carl

PS- aside from what sounds like a pretty nice restaurant, the Sanskrit word, nirvana, is more appropriately defined as not resisting the way things are. Okay, but what's the address?!

"When you let go of trying to get more of what you don’t really need, it frees up oceans of energy to make a difference with what you have." -Lynne Twist

I woke up a little later than usual this morning with no intention of writing. I had a pretty upsetting dream that had me mindlessly bumping my way around the kitchen. I was obviously in some fog still considering the dream and its vivid images. As I found can often be a lazy habit, I was impatient.

If it were possible I think I would seriously consider brushing and flossing my teeth simultaneously! Sometimes I've shown up to appointments 15 to 20 minutes early. I pretend to be a supernatural planner, but this act further demonstrates my impatience. Why does my mind want to get through this experience and move so quickly on to the next one?

"Hurry up and wait," I tell myself. This makes me laugh at my mind's silliness.

Jack Kornfield recounts a story in which he's riding by taxi with his teacher, Ajahn Chah, in rural Cambodia. Their driver is navigating his old Toyota through the narrow roads at breakneck speeds. Jack's teacher suggests to the driver, "please slow down," but he either ignores him or doesn't hear the request. The roads were very narrow and collisions with oncoming traffic were often avoided only in the last few moments. Jack recalls feeling like he was surely going to die that day. He noticed his teacher was also "white-knuckling" the ride.  But when they arrived at the destination Ajahn Chah merely turned and said to Jack, "scary ride wasn't it?"

This is what I've heard referred to as being the thermostat and not the thermometer when it comes to dealing with our feelings and arising emotions. We practice mindfulness not to change how things are, but to more clearly see them as they are. With this, I feel less resistant to life's moments. The word grace comes to mind.

"Fear kills more people than death." -General George Patton

Or, as motivational and success coach, Steve Chandler puts it: "Death kills us but once, and many times we never see it coming. But fear kills us over and over again." (from his book 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself)

What about the moments when there is no fear present yet a scary situation still exists? We've all heard of a mother having the ability to lift an automobile off her trapped child. Did she stop and take time to consider the facts? Unknowingly, she circumvented a bodily organ (the mind, which would only over-analyze the situation), her true nature kicked in and she freed the child.

A man told me personally that if I didn't want to be scared all the time, then I should stop thinking scary thoughts. I believe what he meant was, I should stop "clinging" to scary thoughts. But all the same, fear was my mind's state this morning. Can I see the situation for what it is without being drawn into all the "drama" of the mind's association with the feeling? I know I've touched on this before, but if anything, this blog reminds my thinking self what my heart/soul/spirit already knows to be true.

"Practice, practice, practice." -D.O.D. (my) Dear Ol' Dad

It really is all or nothing when it comes to this. 99% isn't good enough. I cannot merely be mindful while sitting in meditation alone on my cushion. As my friend and author Jim Dreaver tells me (as it was told to him by his mentor, Jean Klein), we may think on the mountain top, but we must live in the workplace. And what better place to practice mindfulness than at the grocery store! We've all shared the experience of waiting in line to buy groceries. The mind is anxious. It can transfer its restless energy into our tapping foot, or manifest itself in some belabored sighing while we wait for the "slow pokes" in front of us to finish purchasing all their "crap".

"Now she's writing a check, what the hell, this is 2013 who still writes checks?" we scream so loud inside our own skulls.

"Does he really need to purchase that many donuts? Come on hurry up fatty!" again speaking in silence, more harsh thoughts.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the people in line behind us are thinking similar impatient thoughts regarding our purchases! Instead, why not try some deep breathing with eyes closed while waiting in line. Surely we're up to date on the latest Hollywood gossip. We need not glance at the trashy newspapers placed perfectly at eye level.

By practicing mindfulness in the small, non-emergency situations, we start to hone new skills for more peaceful daily living. Try it next time you're in line. Who knows, you might actually start to enjoy waiting and can make it a time for... please remind us again Dad: practice, practice, practice.

Peace and love from the desert,
Carl

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." -Lao Tzu

Oh what an absolute to gift to witness the splendor of nature in the cool morning desert air! Coyotes were still barking on the shores of the sea after a night of feeding. A multitude of various sea birds flew above my head while singing their familiar songs. So much movement, none of it hurried. Even the sun took her glorious time to rise in the sky. I'm starting to believe we humans invented hurry.

"The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master." -Asian proverb

I never felt such freedom until I came to terms with the fact that I AM NOT MY THOUGHTS. My next question (thought) immediately following that moment: "oh shit, then who the hell am I?!"

I am the awareness that recognizes the thoughts in my head. From this moment forward my daily practice afforded me the opportunity to examine the thoughts, feelings and emotions I held so personally. Can I feel anger arise, but not be angry? Might sadness be recognized before transforming to depression?

Then someone told me stress is a mind-created dysfunction. Stress = insanity.

For example, let's say I broke my leg. I now have a pain, a physical one. Is it mandatory to add the emotional pain that is based merely in thoughts?  "How will I get to work, what about jogging, or surfing or walking? Will insurance cover the costs?" The list could go an ad infinitum.

Another example: the rent is due on the first of the month. Is it absolutely necessary to consume my daily, or even hourly thoughts with, "how will I pay the rent?"

Surely we must plan and provide the means to keep ourselves sheltered, but can't I just gather the means needed to pay the rent?  Let me have just one pain, please. How many layers of unnecessary pain must we add to our lives? How many can we afford to add?

And then we go on vacations because the mind says we need a break and "to get away from it all." And after so many days, the mind tells us "there's no place like home." Well which is it? Is it possible there is no one truth when it comes to the mind? Ever had an imaginary conversation with your boss at work- alone, while still in the shower? Then you arrive to the meeting and nothing you considered important is even discussed?

Are we supposed to be led around by our thoughts all day long- a never ending stream of up and down, happy and sad, proud and disappointed? Why won't we take time to examine our thoughts prior to following them down an unknown (and often scary) road? We wouldn't open a letter without glancing at the sender's name and address, would we?

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other." 

-Mother Teresa

So for today let us choose peace. If we can create some space or awareness of our thoughts; rather than just believing in and following them because they've been thought, we might settle for peace of mind and pass on this mad roller coaster of emotions derived from thoughts.

Lovingly,

Carl

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” (Matthew 16:24 NASB)

Living differently... what does this mean? Deny my self? How is that even possible? These questions and thousands more like it, fascinate me everyday. I was told once that prayer is the method for talking to God. Meditation is listening for Her answers.

Avoiding labels (which presumes one would know anything about a particular subject once a name is applied) while acting as a detective in this life, a new-found humility may overcome a once arrogant, or more aptly, an ignorant nature.

Ignorance is rooted in labels. While I practice many of the teachings of Buddhism in my daily affairs, I'm not a Buddhist. I was baptized, attended a United Church of Christ and cherish many of the teachings of Jesus, I do not refer to myself as a Christian.

If I call mySELF a runner and everything in my life is centered around the activity of running (marathons, jogging, etc.), what happens if I lose the use of my legs? Am I less a person or has my concept of self merely diminished? So does the self really exist? Is Jesus telling us through the writings of Matthew, "deny thy self," because it doesn't exist anyway!?

"Teach the child the name of that bird and the child will never see the bird again." -Jiddu Krishnamurti

Labels lead to judgments and a false sense of knowledge regarding a particular subject. Perhaps we might all become like scientists in this life- remaining open to infinite possibilities, removing opinions and  ignoring our past conditioning. Could this add a freshness to an otherwise dull or monotonous life? Is it possible to wake each day truly in awe that we are alive?

"Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it."

-Mary Oliver

Today I will try and use the phrase "I don't know," as often as possible. Coupled with the statement "anything is possible," I leave the safety of my domain and enter the world anew. Or at least I'll deny the urge to have cold pizza for breakfast this morning as one exercise in keeping things fresh!

Grace and blessings on your path,

Carl

PS- I'm sure I won't be posting every day. I don't want this writing to feel forced. I want it to come from the heart. There is nothing here worth memorizing nor are there any future tests or quizzes. If any of this rings true in a place deeper than your day-to-day thoughts, then enjoy that and leave the rest. Thank you for the emailed comments yesterday- so many examples of  love!

"The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you; don't go back to sleep." -Rumi

One of the first thoughts to cross the radar screen of the mind this morning was this quote by Rumi. I'd first heard this spoken by Wayne Dyer and anytime I found my eyelids popping open at unusually odd early morning hours, these words would come to mind. Today I followed the advice of the timeless sage and without skipping my morning mantra (I feel terrific, repeated three times), I rose swiftly out of bed and stepped out into the cool morning air.

The roosters in the neighbors' backyards had not yet begun their chorus of crowing. The air was cool, yet comforting. I was inspired to write. The time was 4:49 am.

So today is the first of many daily exercises in writing. As my swollen fingers bump into the keyboard, I feel less than graceful in my approach. But I know this is merely an action of the mind to stop me from doing what my spirit knows is a healthy exercise. Grabbing my mind by the scruff of its neck, I tell this organ of the body, "I am in charge."

Who is the I in charge? Ah, the question to ponder; or more importantly, another one to merely observe and let go.

Letting go: a new concept to replace my more than thirty year history of clinging. It would seem so ridiculous now to think of things as permanent. What a silly concept we humans have invented! Letting go replaces the attachment to pain, past joys, embarrassments, prideful accomplishments, etc. With both good and bad experiences removed from incessant thinking, my awareness can refocus on the action items of the present moment. The less attached I am to concepts, labels, beliefs and judgments, the more serene my existence becomes in this moment.

"Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all." 

-Georg Christoph Lichtenberg 

So let's take today to observe our thoughts when we feel strong opinions of our families, co-workers, and loved ones. The pause we can create before speaking, acting and even thinking, creates the awareness that leads to more conscious living. This is true peace. It needn't be a surreal nor other-worldly concept. The peace between two people can be easily demonstrated by removing the contrasts. Yes, we all have different interests, come from different backgrounds, etc., but aren't we more similar than we may appear different?

Let us ponder our similarities today and allow our differences to merely sit off in the background.

In loving kindness (practicing metta),
Carl