"The church says: The body is a sin. Science says: The body is a machine. Advertising says: The body is a business. The body says: I am a fiesta." -Eduardo Galeano

I've found a new joy recently while helping others. There isn't much in the form of monetary gain from this kind of work, but the spiritual profits are immeasurable. Over the last several years my dear friend started a business selling produce to the local community. His customers typically didn't have the transportation necessary to leave this rural area and visit the supermarket. He would often tell me about the satisfaction he received from the smiling faces as he handed out another watermelon, ear of corn or cantaloupe to an elderly neighbor.

So as I follow in his footsteps this summer, "The Melon Man" has spent the last several weeks transporting hundreds of pounds of delicious fruits and vegetables from the rich farming valley into the hot desert. I'm starting to believe I was a farmer in a former life. Or at the very least I may have been a vegetarian.

Why am I sharing this? I realize this blog has been mainly focused on the practice of mindfulness. I wanted this to be a diary of sorts; one that I might look back on and observe progress, motivations, etc. So I need to document some real life examples of living a spiritually-minded lifestyle... and whatever that means!?

All of this becomes very hard to put into words. I can't explain with much accuracy the feeling I get each day from living differently. I trust this path to enlightenment as I trust so many other things in life without immediate proof. For example, I trust Einstein's Theory of Relativity to be well-founded, because I believe in the accuracy of math. Since I learned at an early age that one plus one does in fact equal two, I feel comfortable assuming other math based findings are accurate. If I'm still doubtful, I can explore the concepts personally and become more knowledgeable until I have the wisdom to discover these truths for myself.

My practice in mindfulness meditation is no different. While becoming the observer of my thoughts I've enjoyed many positive results. My mind spins out of control less often. I don't become disappointed with the actions of others. Compassion has replaced feelings of apathy, jealousy and condemnation.

"If the recipe doesn't produce a cake, throw it out!" -Venerable Robina Courtin

I can compare insight meditation, or the practice of Vipassana, to physical exercise. Sore muscles and fatigue are signs of physical conditioning (lifting weights, yoga, running). So when I observe firsthand the positive mind states replacing negative ones (verifiable results), I can trust in the practice of mindfulness.

No pain no gain? Perhaps this is true with my practice. I've uncovered some agonizing truths through meditation. Having looked closely at my past stories, I've cried tears of joy and sadness, but have always managed to return my focus back on the present moment.

Vipassana is being taught to prisoners serving life sentences. Check out this documentary: http://www.dhammabrothers.com/Prison.htm While living a life behind bars, men imprisoned at Donaldson Correctional Facility in Alabama  learned to practice meditation and expressed feelings associated with a new found freedom. This was freedom from their minds. They actually came to terms with the horrific crimes they committed, took responsibility for their past actions and then sought to help others. If this isn't proof positive of the benefits of mindfulness, then I don't know what is.

I spent more than 30 years in a prison of my own making. Instead of walls, bars, and guards with guns, this institution was a scarier place. I surrounded myself with the fear of the unknown, lived in dread regarding my outward appearance and lashed out in uncontrollable anger toward situations, people and things regularly. I suppose it's better late than never when it comes to self realization. I can cite so many examples of what wasn't working for me. Why wouldn't I at least try and follow a different path?

"Follow your bliss. Find where it is and don't be afraid to follow it." -Joseph Campbell

Each of us has to find our own path. Thankfully there are signposts (in the forms of others traveling via a softer easier way) to help us blaze our trail. If I were to learn the piano, I wouldn't buy a Steinway and start pounding on the keys. I'd find the best teacher I could afford and take the quickest route to success. 

This is my path. I take guidance from others who've gone before me, ignore the popular greed-based advertisements telling me to buy the next item to increase my happiness, and I remain diligent. When my thoughts lean toward the "I'm too busy for meditation" excuses, then I know it's time to sit down and focus on my breathing. Works (almost) every time. When the results don't come immediately, I probably need to take another breath... or two.

Why? Because just like all things, THIS TOO SHALL PASS (impermanence) .

"Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless." -Jamie Paolinetti

Make today your masterpiece,
Carl

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." -Carl Jung

Ajahn Chah, an influential teacher of Theravada Buddhism in the west has said: "...we get lost in our thoughts and feelings as if that's who we really are. Those are just the contents of mind. Step back. Relax. Rest in the pure awareness that knows experience and you will be free."

So what is pure awareness? And how can I rest in it? These concepts seemed almost otherworldly to me when I was first introduced to them. Just as I blame the education system for failing to instruct children on the importance of credit management. I also point to the lack of emotional control instruction. Like most, I think this may primarily be the role of parents, but I also believe it takes a community to raise a child. 

When being introduced to another person, the first question westerners often ask is "so, what do you do?" In other parts of the world, like India, the question is more frequently, "so, in which form of God do you believe?" It's hard to argue the shallow depth of materialists vs the formless realm of the more spiritually minded. One point of view generally earns a paycheck, while the other may create eternal happiness. It's up to the individual to decide which is most important. But as I told a dear friend recently when he said, "I can't help it, I just lovvvvve money." "Well" I responded, "if the grocery stores run out of food for a week, let me know how good that $100 bill tastes."

Yes, I'm still a bit of a sarcastic S.O.B., but I continue to check my intentions when talking with others. I want to remove ego completely if I am truly coming from a place of love. Otherwise, I'm just preaching and it seems no one really likes that approach very much. Also, my daily choice is to be at peace rather than to be right. When the feeling wells up inside that I need to get in the last word, then it probably has already been spoken.

So what do I do? If I examine my bank account, my business card (which I don't have) or my possessions, I would most aptly be qualified as "loser" in this society. Then why do I feel happier today than I've ever felt in my entire life?

"If you suffer, it is not because things are impermanent. It is because you believe things are permanent."

-Thich Nhat Hanh

So often in the past I got lost in the roles I played. But these are merely stories surrounding what I'm doing, and not the true nature of who I am. How do I prove this? I need to only look back at how often these roles have changed. Then I check my level of attachment I have to the current role. In reality I've gone from child to adolescent, student to teacher, employee to employer, dedicated meat eater to a more vegetarian status, and the list goes on... and on... and on.

How silly to think I am ever any one of these things! When I've lost a job in the past, I thought my world was coming to an end and I would soon be living under a bridge. But instead what happened? I found an even better job- one in which I wouldn't have discovered because I was too comfortable with my current one to look outside and see it!

"People will suffer almost anything as long as it means they don't have to change."-Deepak Chopra

For today, may we recognize the things in life that cause us to suffer. If it's not necessary for our survival, maybe we don't really need it in our life and it might be time to change it.

Love,
Carl

I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying “yes” than by sayings “no”. -Richard Branson

How often do we say "no" throughout the course of a day? Do we ever unconsciously just say no when someone offers us something, simply out of habit? It would appear the kid in this photo, when offered a slice of watermelon, said yes with every fiber in his body. I wonder what would happen if I never said no? Would the opposite have more dire consequences? If I never said yes, would I fail to even get out of bed in the morning?

Perhaps these are meaningless exercises completely unworthy of discussion, but I wonder how often my own parents said no vs. yes to me as a child. Of course there are some obvious situations (no, you can't put your finger in the electrical socket, no you can't stay up all night eating cookies), but did the nos heavily outweigh the yeses? And by what margin: 2 to l, 5 to 1, 10 to 1... and what was the effect upon my development?

Consider this study done by the National Literacy Trust in the United Kingdom:

"Sir Ken Robinson, chair of the UK Government's report on creativity, education and the economy, described research that showed that young people lost their ability to think in "divergent or non-linear ways", a key component of creativity. Of 1,600 children aged three to five who were tested, 98% showed they could think in divergent ways. By the time they were aged eight to ten, 32% could think divergently. When the same test was applied to 13 to 15-year-olds, only 10% could think in this way. And when the test was used with 200,000 25-year-olds, only 2% could think divergently. . . . Education is driven by the idea of one answer and this idea of divergent thinking becomes stifled.' He described creativity as the 'genetic code' of education and said it was essential for the new economic circumstances of the 21st century." (25 March 2005, http://www.literacytrust.org.uk/Database/thinking.html#wither)

"Don't color outside the lines," we're told at an early age. But why? And who made the lines anyway?

"Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time". -Thomas Merton

As Steve Chandler has stated, "get up on the right side of the head." As super serious agenda driven adults, we rise in the morning with the day's to-do list plastered into our mind's eye. This often leads to a dreadful outlook to the blessing of another day. When and why did we establish this type of conditioning? Can you really give yourself one good reason why you don't deserve to be in complete and total ecstasy upon waking every morning? 

Tell yourself you can't and you won't. It's really that simple. The body follows the mind around all day. If negative thoughts can create ulcers in the stomach and make hair fall out of the head, what can positive thoughts do for the body?

Go visit a western psychologist and tell them you want to rise above stress, frustration, anxiety, disappointment, anger, fear and depression, and they will look at you as if you had three heads. The shrink will give you an action plan for "coping" with these things, but in the west we consider all of these feelings and emotions as normal. But again I ask: who made the lines anyway?

"What you are is what you have been. What you'll be is what you do now." -Buddha

If we make the assumption that we can change, can we admit we might just be a little too loyal to our suffering? Or we might be a tad lazy. I can't stand my lousy life, until someone threatens to change me and then I defend my lousy life to no end. What the hell am I so afraid of? 

I hope for today we all ignore the so-called professionals who tell us we're all just 50% nature and 50% nurture and to cope with that fact. All the great minds in history questioned something regarding the status quo. Become a pioneer, a scientist, or an explorer when it comes to the habitual functioning of your own mind. It might just be your final frontier.

Live long and prosper,
Carl

"To live in this world, you must be able to do three things; To love what is mortal, to hold it against your bones knowing your life depends upon it, and when the time comes to let it go, to let it go." -Mary Oliver

I had the most wonderful opportunity to meet with some very beautiful beings yesterday. As luck would have it, I found the Desert Meditation Group in Palm Desert through the website meetup.com. Getting to know new people, sharing experiences and simply sitting quietly in a state of being... ahhhhh, you couldn't possibly put a price on that stuff. Namaste my new friends!

So here's a link to a Google TechTalks video featuring the Venerable Robina Courtin. Don't let the robes fool you. There's nothing mystical or new-wave spiritual about Robina. Her language and style is very current  as she offers insight into applying mindfulness practice to our work-a-day worlds.

http://youtu.be/nasIq4E9nNg

And I realize it's an hour long (her talk begins at 1:47 of the clip) and I know, we are all very busy... but it could be a cheap way to avoid hours visiting a psychiatrist. I'm sure the psychoanalytic community doesn't want you to do it yourself... but if those professionals could learn how... hmmm, then why not me? Or maybe there are approaches to happiness other than the western way? Who knows? Not me!


Make today your masterpiece,
Carl

"All things are our relatives; what we do to everything, we do to ourselves. All is really One." -Black Elk

I won't say I made a new friend recently, but I did name this little guy Henry. It might be a silly thing to do, but after saying "hey bunny, drink some water" over and over again, this dude needed a name. I found him in the backyard two days ago. I noticed something that looked like a baseball covered in fur wiggling in the grass. The next thought I had: oh crap, this furry baseball has feet!

After calling the "Bunny Ranch (no, not that one, it's a rabbit rescue organization in Riverside County), I learned via the Hopline: days of operation were Monday through Thursday only. So Henry and I spent the weekend together mostly listening to music (he prefers classical, though I try my best to sway him towards traditional Chinese flute) and engaging in some mindfulness practice. Now I can cross meditation with rabbit off the bucket list.

"I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion." -Henry David Thoreau

I spend most days alone. This has been a great opportunity for introspection. So with all this practice lately, I am very aware of my feelings and corresponding emotions. Becoming attached to a little ball of fur and applying human characteristics to this wild animal was not in my weekend plans. Instead I used this time to focus on death. I believe the bunny has a broken leg. Most of my neighbors told me to put him out of his misery, but aside from some nervous shaking and belabored breathing, I think the bunny might make it.

But I'm not clinging to this idea. Just like all things, this too shall pass. I might release Henry into the wild where a coyote immediately re-names him Lunch. Contemplating death is not something westerners like to do. I realize this. Instead, we wait until we're fortunate enough to be on a "death bed" to start panicking, pondering and pontificating.

Did I live a good life? Were the choices I made the right ones? Am I going to heaven?

If you've had time to visit with someone just prior to their death, perhaps you've noticed a pretty common mind state: fear. Nobody wants to die, I get that. Just like its opposite, birth, death is a part of life. Then why do we so often act like it only applies to the other guy?

"I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I just lived the length of it. I want to live the width of it as well." -Diane Ackerman

So for today, maybe we can focus on living wider. And I don't mean gaining weight- see I still have smart-ass tendencies! But if we've ever wondered "is there more to this life," then why should we wait until we're closer to death before we start considering the essence of real living (evidence: notice all the older folks attending church services)?

Namaste,

Carl

"There is a hard law. When an injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive." -Alan Paton

Similar to the above quote, you may have heard this saying: resentments are like drinking poison and hoping the other person falls ill. In my recent past I suffered; or more appropriately, I created a lot of self suffering. One of my worst habits was engaging in road rage. Whatever the situation, the conditions were always the same. I felt slighted, disrespected, etc. I also happened to be living in one of the most heavily traveled areas in the country, so there were plenty of opportunities to practice my aggression. Once I even witnessed two drivers- cars parked nearly head to head across the road- engaged in an all out roadhouse style fistfight. I remember feeling fearful watching this scene. It was not like one from a movie. The two men were causing serious bodily injury to one another. I wondered if children were watching this as I scanned the other vehicles idling near mine.

Thankfully my acts of rage never escalated to the physical level (unless you consider fists punching the car's ceiling or wrists straining from gripping the life out of the steering wheel), I often thought about the mind state of the obnoxious driver as he left my view. Like me, was he still shaking and griping the wheel, teeth grinding, still cursing out loud? Was he now looking for other situations to rage against?

That was my daily practice.

"I am never upset for the reasons I think..." -from the book A Course in Miracles

I posted that quote on the refrigerator in my apartment. I forced myself to see these words on a daily basis. When I would get angry, frustrated or disappointed in someone or some thing, it gave me a little space to consider the causes and conditions. Without doing this, I would often encounter the same old reasons: OTHER PEOPLE!

We wish it were that easy. But what I've found is very different. I can now look at the things that bother me in others and if I'm honest, I can find those same characteristics in myself. It's remarkable how other people can become a signpost for our own self improvement. It demands rigorous honesty, a trait we all possess if honed properly.

So we think we are so independent, so unique. But we are all connected. We are not like two individual birds on the tree branch; but rather, we are all  leaves of the same tree. It's obvious from my past behavior when I try and hurt you, I hurt me too.

As I become more adept at awareness, I can clearly see the pain in others. They are for the most part, causing their own suffering. No one deserves that prison. These walls are built mostly of fear, jealousy, contempt, frustration, disappointment, confusion... the list goes on.

Just like sin (which is often incorrectly translated and actually means to miss the mark in Latin- or without, in Spanish), I realized these poor behavior choices were causing me to miss out on the essence of living. Again, awareness is the key.

The day I figured out I wasn't the film on the screen; but instead, the light of the projector, a new empowerment was engaged. I can turn the light toward whatever I wish to illuminate! Sorry to disappoint the rated R crowd, but most of my current films are of the summer feel good variety.

"I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business." -Michael J. Fox

So if I'll never attain the goal of perfection, then why bother? Well, for one, quality of life comes to mind. Yes, I may have told myself in the past, "I enjoy smoking. It helps to break up the monotony of the day." But shortness of breath, poor hygiene and serious health concerns take away from the quality of my life.

Quality of life is so important to me that whenever I do any tasks, I now check to see it fits into one of three categories:

1. JOY: this one is easy, since it occurs without thought- you love it, you do it
2. ACCEPTANCE: might not love it, but the outcomes dictate its worthiness: work this job because it puts clothes on the kids, allows for vacations, etc.
3. ENTHUSIASM: not on the deep level of joy, but energy is found easily for the task

If I can't find one of these three when considering an activity, then I won't do it. I don't spend the day on a pink cloud, but compared to the angry hate machine I was operating a few short years ago, I'll take this.

"The one thing that may keep us from a great life, is a pretty good life." -Michael Jeffreys

I have work to do. I'm currently not in a communicative relationship with my parents. This decision was not made out of anger, nor was it a reactive measure. I love them dearly but am still not able to accept some of their unconscious behaviors. My part: I have a lot of trouble letting go of  the past stories that run deep in our family. But I don't give up on anything forever. And since I believe we'll have eternity together (no death), I'm not worried about missing a couple of physical phone calls.

I'll end with the guided meditation I've been practicing recently. Thank you Jack Kornfield. Meditating on the following creates deep awareness within my heart-mind:

-there are many ways I've hurt or harmed others, knowingly or unknowingly

-there are ways I've caused suffering to my self through hurting myself and others: I give myself mercy

-others have hurt, betrayed, abused and abandoned me- remembering the sorrows to the extent I'm ready, I begin the process of offering forgiveness to all of them


Practicing forgiveness daily,
Carl

"The non-doing of any evil, the performance of what's skillful, the cleansing of one's own mind; this is the teaching of the Awakened." -Dhammapada 183

From the opening verse of the Dhammapada:

Mind is the forerunner of all things. Speak and act with an impure mind or heart, and sorrow will follow you as surely as the wheel follows the oxen who draws the cart. 

Mind is the forerunner of all things. Speak and act with a pure heart and mind, and happiness will follow you unshakably as closely as your shadow.

Which will we choose today?

Today is another blessing. Many are not here and able to physically join us... 

Much love always on OUR path,

Carl